Bristol Palin: An Adoptive Mom’s Perspective
When I first heard the news about Bristol Palin, my mind was racing in a million directions.
I was absolutely floored, naively wondering how that could happen in a conservative, religious family. I began to imagine how the press, pundits, and bloggers would begin to spin the story: how some of us would be gloating about the irony of it all, some would praise Bristol Palin for her faith and adherence to pro-life values, and some would wonder about how Sarah Palin will juggle her complex family responsibilities with the demands of a national campaign and her possible election to Vice President.
Vintage Mommy was never intended to be a political blog, or even a blog with a particular point of view. I was planning a blog about my life as an older Mom, an adoptive parent, and raising an only child. In fact, I was just fooling around with the logo and the theme design this afternoon and didn’t intend to launch the blog for a while yet.
But I felt compelled to start writing today, because as an adoptive mom, unplanned pregnancy has a special poignancy for me, and as a woman, mother and human being my heart goes out to Bristol, and to Sarah.
I don’t share their politics, their religious beliefs, or their support of abstinence rather than education, but I can’t even imagine how that young woman is feeling as her private life becomes a matter for a very public debate. Bristol Palin’s story wouldn’t even be a “story” if it weren’t for her mother’s public profile, but unfortunately for them, here they are in the spotlight.
So how does this strike me as an adoptive mom? First, I feel a pang of jealousy every time I hear anyone is pregnant. Second, I support a woman’s right to choose, but I would never presume to know what the right choice is for someone else; and third, I certainly don’t expect or want every unplanned pregnancy to lead to adoption.
Adoption is not an “easy” solution. I watched first-hand the overwhelming grief and loss my daughter’s birthparents suffered when they placed her with us. I imagine that pain never heals, just as my pain about infertility never heals. It’s easy to say that it was “for the best” and I’d like to believe it was, but surely no one would choose to have such painful experiences.
It’s hard to imagine that a 17-year-old is ready for marriage and her own family, but who knows? I recently read the story of someone very involved in the blogging world (but my vintagemommy brain can’t remember who it was) who married his pregnant girlfriend as a teenager and they are still happily together.
So as the bloggers blog and the talking heads talk, I’ll be thinking of Bristol and her mother and – I must confess – wondering if Sarah Palin would show compassion and empathy if this happened to a family on the other side of the political fence.
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:06 am
I found your link through comment at antiquemommy. I agree with everything you have written. In general, I do not condone teenage pregnancy, and I certainly do not think that most 17 yr olds are ready for parenthood. But, like you, I know a couple that got pregnant as teens, with twins and one was stillborn, got married, when on to have 4 more children. The children are all grown now, some with children of their own. And the parents–still married and very much in love. However, I think this is probably the rare case.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:39 am
I think it was Joel Falconer.
I had no idea. I’m glad you’re opening up and telling more about yourself and your opinions. This is going to be an interesting blog!
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 am
Fern: If this young couple can survive the current scrutiny and stress, perhaps they’ll make it. Thanks for visiting and commenting; you were my very first commenter at Vintage Mommy!
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
Vered: As soon I saw Joel’s comment on your blog this morning, I remembered! But I was hoping someone would remind me. Thanks for coming by today; I still have a lot of work to do here, but it’s exciting to finally be online!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
I’m with Susie Sunshine about this. Thank God it isn’t me.
Of course, Susie has four sons and no daughters. Those of us with daughters are probably keeping our fingers–and our daughters’ legs–crossed.
(Thanks for stopping by!)
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
Poppy: no kidding! I’m glad the teen years are still several years away for us; I’m finding the school-age years challenging enough.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Got to you through AM. I certainly hope that Palin’s attitude would be the same no matter the political POV. But I also know how very easily we all judge others. As if none of us has ever made a mistake in judgment or done something that is against our beliefs.
Sigh.
It would do us all well to remember that we are all human, eh?
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hi Kimberly, I was ashamed to even have that thought about Sarah Palin, but there it was and I needed to “say” it out loud. I’ve certainly made plenty of mistakes and let myself – and others – down!
Thanks for visiting and commenting.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Hi Vintage Mommy,
What is an older Mom these days? Just wondering! I never thought of myself as an older Mom until our son went to public school and the other moms were about 10 years younger than me. We had him (I was 35) when all of our friends were having their kids too, so never thought of myself as an older Mom.
I am also adopted, so we share that bond, VM. And I am an only and have an only.
Looking forward to reading more here and at One Bag Nation! Congrats on the new online “baby”!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Hi Linda,
I do believe I qualify as an older mom – I was almost 44 when we adopted our daughter! School is the place where I feel it the most, especially b/c in the adoption community I’m more “normal”.
My husband is adopted (also an only) so we really do have lots in common.
I’m so glad you commented today; look forward to sharing more of our experiences via the blogosphere.
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:57 am
Hi Ann,
What an interesting blog idea. I’ll be back to check out where you go from here. You’re off to a great start. Congratulations on blog #2.
September 3rd, 2008 at 8:12 am
Hey, popped over here from your One Bag Nation. I love this site! Very nice indeed. And very different flavour from your other one.
Not going to comment on your actual post, as I have to admit to not having a clue what you are talking about. I live in a nice cosy Canadian bubble. *smile*
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Hi Ann: Even though I live in Panama, which is where I’m from, I’m a CNN junkie and I’ve been following every step of the US Presidential race. Apparently Bristol and Levi are very much in love and planning to get married, and even though I may not agree with their life style choices, at least it looks like they’re acting responsibly. This is shaping out to be an interesting blog.
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
@Barbara: thank you! I know you were on pins and needles waiting to see what I had in mind
@Panther: VM is a departure for me and it feels a little uncomfortable, but I think that’s a reason to move forward!
@Marelisa: I wish I had CNN access! and I wish those two (and their baby) all the best.
September 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 pm
GREAT SITE! Loved the piece on Bristol Palin ~ I too am looking forward to hearing Sarah’s speech tonight to see what (if) she speaks about her daughter. As an older, adoptive mom of an only child (at this point) having suffered through infertility but my story is deeper than that….(another time) I just cannot see the sense in having this 17 year old get married and have this child while the entire world is watching. It all seems SO SAD.
As I tweeted on Twitter – I just found out my birth mom is pregnant again (for the 3rd time) and she had emailed me a month ago asking me “if she were pregnant, would I want it?” I had not heard from her in a year (her choice, not mine) then that email….I responded OF COURSE, but I would like more details. I wanted to talk to her, see how she was, etc. Where was she living? I never heard back. Then I see on her Facebook page the ultrasound photo from her 8/29 Dr. Appt, It is a girl. She is due 1/9/09 and is talking on her page as if she is keeping it. She is 25, with no job, no stability, no family and no maternal instincts. Makes me very sorry for that baby too.
Sorry to go on and on, but this is a subject very near and dear to my heart.
September 3rd, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Hi Meg, thanks for visiting Vintage Mommy. The situation with your birthmom sounds tough. Our birthmom got pregnant again too and is parenting her second daughter; that was really hard b/c at that point we were waiting to adopt again.
I agree, marriage and a family at 17 seems like a huge challenge, never mind doing that in the public eye. It must be incredibly stressful.
I hope we’ll keep in touch via twitter and the blog; I’m glad you like it and I hope you’ll be back. Never worry about going “on and on”; I hope VM will be the kind of place where those kinds of feelings are shared and supported!
September 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Hi. I love this site. I am definitely going to come back.
I was married at the age of 18, thankfully not due to pregnancy. The marriage lasted 20 years and the last 10 were the hardest.
I cannot even imagine what the Palin’s are going through. I would hope that they would be supportive of others as others have been supportive of them.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Hi Jennifer: It seems that the whole brouhaha about Bristol’s pregnancy has died down. From your comment it sounds like the issues you faced were not really about marrying young.
October 26th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Thank you for voicing what I often feel… the pang of jealousy when I hear that anyone is pregnant.
Sigh.
I too am an adoptive mommy. I love my family and would not go back and do anything differently now. But still it really is hard. And sad that there had to be so much loss (for my children’s birthparents, and through my own losses) to come to this place.
CCs last blog post..Check these links out!
October 27th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Hi CC:I guess we’ll always feel those pangs, but at least they’re not as agonizing as they used to me – for me anyway! Thanks for visiting and commenting.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I think it is unfortunate that Bristol and her boyfriend are not putting this child up for adoption. Now that Sarah is not going to be the vice-president, it looks like the wedding is either on hold or off. The young man did not seem overly enthusiastic to the idea of marriage. They are both way too immature for this responsibility, and it would be best for the baby to go to a home with two stable adults in it.
But, after all this is a private decision — just as it is to have a baby or not — and it is the Palins to make.
January 7th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
[...] note: what prompted me to actually sit down and write my first post was the announcement of Bristol Palin’s pregnancy, which brought up many complicated feelings, but I digress. . [...]