It’s Like My Shoes Are A Little Too Tight
This is how I sometimes feel in groups where the other parents are either 15+ years younger than I am, or they’re my age but their children are grown and out of the house. In other words, I feel like I don’t really fit.
I’m thrown into the first group more often than the second because of Vintage Girl; maybe I should be calling her Contemporary Girl, but I digress. . .
I don’t always volunteer the info that my daughter is adopted; there are times when that isn’t necessary or pertinent, but I’m sure people are wondering – not that I don’t have a youthful glow and a spring in my step, mind you!
I had kind of an eccentric upbringing, and as a kid I always just wanted to be “normal” and fit in. But maybe now I should work on looking so gloriously happy and fulfilled that everyone around me will wish they could be fifty years old with a first-grader!
September 25th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
I can imagine how you must feel. It IS a complicated situation.
I wish age didn’t matter so much!
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Saw “Burn After Reading”. Non-Botoxed Actresses. Awesome.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
We seem to hang out in a lot of the same groups. Then I have a 3rd group, where being 50 and having both grown kids and a kindergartener isn’t so odd, but the 18 year gap between my 3rd and 4th kids is the zinger. They have another 6 kids in the middle.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:20 am
My family of origin is like Shevy’s – I’m the oldest of six, my mother had my youngest brother when she was 40 and I was 17! Sometimes people thought I was his mother, sometimes there were questions about whether all six of us were from the same marriage (four of us are close in age, the last two come after a big gap). I will most likely be 42 by the time I finish up the adoption process and bring a toddler home from Ethiopia – hopefully sometime next year – that doesn’t seem so odd to me because I watched my mother be an older parent but the more I hang around parenting groups the more I realize that it is a little out of the ordinary. What’s funny to me is that I always assume people who have kids of any age must be older than me, because I am only just now feeling grown-up enough to be a parent! And my sister who is 28 with a one-year-old complains that she is always the youngest person in any group of parents, so I think we all just assume we are the odd-person-out in whatever group we are in.
Lizs last blog post..Red Hots
September 26th, 2008 at 10:36 am
This must be very difficult for you. I have always disliked the feeling of being odd one out. From what I have experienced, no matter how much I change myself, I still feel the same because for me I am still different. It was only when I worked on accepting the difference that things became different. People will love and accept you for your uniqueness if you allow them to.
Of course, the idea of working on looking and being gloriously fulfilled is a great one. We anyways should be working on this.
Avani-Mehtas last blog post..How To Pick Your First Anger Management Area – Anger Management Series Part IV
September 26th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
@Vered: I think in this case it matters b/c I’m at such a different place in my life than the others – my age or younger.
@Shevy: I bet you do meet with a few raised eyebrows!
@Liz: You are so right! Too young, too old, too something else, we often feel out of place in some way.
@Avani-Mehta:Welcome! and thanks for commenting. I can certainly find common ground w/both groups and I’m working on celebrating my uniqueness!
Vintage Mommys last blog post..It’s Like My Shoes Are A Little Too Tight
September 27th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Hi Ann – One thing I’ve noticed about older moms is they seem more “together”. It’s something the younger moms often try to emulate. My advice is be the best you can be and walk with your head held high.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Updates – Time Tracking – Open Mic
September 27th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Hi Barbara: Yes, they say I’m supposed to be more mature, more able to deal with the stresses of parenting, but sometimes you could be 150 and lose it, right?
Vintage Mommys last blog post..It’s Like My Shoes Are A Little Too Tight
September 30th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I was 30 and 34 when I had my daughters, although people think I started in high school (I shall brag, I do look young, or used to). Two sister-in-laws started in their 20s, another started in her late 30’s. I see mothers with kids in middle school with infants on their arms. I don’t know, it’s all a mix and a jumble, we have the kids when they come to us and we go with the flow that we create in our lives. We all stand out for something, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything, but we are only who we are and can only deal with life as we know how. Just add a smile, a touch of wisdom, and a sense of humor and it’s all good.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Hi Laura, thanks for coming by and commenting. Most of the time I feel okay about my particular circumstances, but there are times when I feel lonely or just plain uncomfortable.
Vintage Mommys last blog post..Happy Birthday Vintage Girl!
October 4th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I was 25 was my first son was born and I felt so much younger than everyone else having kids. None of my high school friends were married yet and my coworkers with babies were in their upper 30’s. Once he was born and I joined parenting groups, I realized I was on the younger side of average and didn’t feel so out of it. My husband and I are both the oldest siblings and now that we’ve been married 7 years, we each have a sister who married in the past year, and one of them hopes to be pregnant soon. I really hope I’m still having kids when my own sister finally has kids so we can experience some things together. I grew up without cousins and only the one sister and wished I had more family near my age. My high school and college friends are now having kids as we’re turning 30. It seems like there are lots of new parents in their 40’s, but the media must push it more than the reality. Do you have extended family nearby?
Amy Fs last blog post..Bad Day
October 4th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Hi Amy,
Isn’t it funny, there’s always a way to feel a bit on the outside? I hope you and your sister can enjoy parenting together too; it sounds lovely!
We don’t have any extended family nearby, and not very many far away either. We have to make our own “family of friends”.
Thanks for visiting and commenting!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Does anyone feel normal these days? Besides, I would so much rather try to be “so gloriously happy and fulfilled” like you said. That’s definitely not normal.
Rachels last blog post..Tasty Popcorn, No Microwave Needed
October 6th, 2008 at 7:36 am
Hi Rachel,
You’re right! I don’t know too many folks who make that claim. Thanks for commenting.
Vintage Mommys last blog post..Adoption Book Review: The Day We Met You
October 19th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I understand you! Like Liz, above, I’m from a family that is split. There are 4 of us born within 7 years, then another brother 10 years (and 3 days!) later. I was 15 when he was born, and also had to put up with people thinking he was mine.
So, then I had my girls when I was almost 20, and just past 21. It always seemed the other parents were 10 or 15 years older. Or, sadly, 5 or more years younger than I.
I divorced and remarried and many years later, we had a son. His sister’s were 22 and almost 21 when he was born. When I go to playgroups, the women I meet are my daughter’s age, or they are a few years oldaer than me and bringing their grandchildren!
To this day, my baby brother and my daughters are very close though.
October 20th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Hi Mom Again,
Wow you are in an unusual situation! I don’t meet many super-young moms, but I still feel out of synch a lot of the time.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Vintage Mommys last blog post..Another Lap, Another Milestone
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I know how you feel. It is very hard situation. I hope age didn’t matter too much