Happy Birthday Vintage Girl!
My daughter is seven years old today. I’ve been pretty weepy all week, which is my usual reaction to her getting another year older. I don’t know if other moms are as sentimental as I am about this; I know for me it’s hard to think about my one and only “baby” growing up.
I often wonder if the experience of motherhood is fundamentally different between adoptive moms and biological moms, or if we had been lucky enough to adopt again if I would take motherhood more in stride – or for granted. I can still remember with complete clarity the overwhelming joy of bringing Vintage Girl home and becoming – finally – a mom; it was almost magical, unlike any other time in my life.
I would love to hear from other moms (bio and adoptive) about this; do you celebrate your kids’ birthdays with joy and a happy heart, or do you feel sad?
Vintage Girl herself had a moment of sadness – when the exact piece of cake she wanted got served to someone else – but other than that she had a great day and did not know that her mom was creeping off to the bathroom for a good cry . . .
September 28th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
My experience is indeed different. I do worry about them a lot, but I don’t grieve their growing up the way that you do. Interesting.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..10 Bizarre Ads: What Were They Thinking?
September 29th, 2008 at 12:18 am
It feels pretty surreal. DC’s birthday is bad enough but Number 1 Son will turn 30 next year! I just keep shaking my head and thinking “How can this be?” I don’t feel any older than I did in my 20’s myself, so how can I have such old kids?
I can think back and remember some of their growing up but a lot of it is a blur. It’s more like a series of vignettes and I have more memories of them before the teen years. But it doesn’t feel like it happened that long ago. I was depressed this year, but that was because it was *my* milestone birthday.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:20 am
I think my reaction now is more of shock each time my children celebrate a birthday. D1 is 23, D2 is 22, and OnlySon will be 21 next month. I keep thinking wow, that should make me old, but I feel so young.
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September 29th, 2008 at 6:56 am
My elder daugther turned seven early this year. I can most identify with the sentimental feeling. I don’t even need a birthday to start to experience tears. Sometimes, when I stop to think about how much joy she has brought me and seeing how fast she is growing, my tears will start to fall.
September 29th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Thank so much for your kind thoughts during little B’s illness it was much appreciated.He’s at school today and doing great.
My kids birthday party was supposed to be last weekend but as no one like getting menegitis in their goody bags we thougth we’d hold off. Maybe well just take a photo with the kids in front of a banner and put it in the baby book. They’lll never know
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September 29th, 2008 at 7:32 am
I rejoice. My kids are 12, 10 and 8. Every year seems to hold many wonderful surprises…for them and for me.
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September 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I think it’s a mixture of feeling sad and happy. It’s hard for me when they turn a year older- every year I think back to where I was at that point the year of their birth.
It’s worse with my first, because he was the one who brought me to motherhood. It really hits me with him. I think part of it might be the age too- my oldest is going to be six, and he’s a real kid now- almost reading and writing, telling stories.
He’s not a baby anymore BWAHHH!
Kelly from Almost Frugals last blog post..Carnivals, Festivals and Linklove
September 29th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I hope that she has a great birthday Ann, and I think that you getting weepy has more to do with your personality than with the fact that she’s adopted
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September 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@Vered I worry too – in between the weeping . . .:-)
@Shevy you’re definitely in a unique place with this! But I agree, I often feel like I can’t possibly be this old!
@Panther It’s great that you feel young; true love will do that to you
@Evelyn sounds like you and I are alike – softies! Thanks for commenting.
@Suzie The pleasure was mine and I’m so glad all is well and somehow you’ve survived with your sense of humor intact – you’re amazing. Thanks for commenting.
@Pink Ink I agree, there are certainly many exciting and joyful moments with each year. Thanks for commenting.
@Kelly: I know, it’s just too sad! The reading thing is definitely a milestone, with more to come.
@Marelisa How did you know?? I’m a weeper from way back!
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September 29th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
[...] Comment! My daughter had a birthday yesterday and her birthdays are always hard for me. [...]
October 1st, 2008 at 10:18 am
My son will celebrate his first birthday in December. Seeing as how I cried when he first ate solid food, when he first started crawling, when he first started laughing, I think it is safe to say I will cry at his birthdays. What can I say I am a “weeper” as well.
I met my two stepsons when they were five and six. Now they are eight and (almost) ten. I don’t know if it is because I am not their biological mother or because I didn’t raise them from infancy (I think it’s the latter) but I don’t feel the same emotional “my little boy is growing up” with their milestones. With them I have continuously been proud, amazed, and amused, but no crying (yet).
Happy birthday to your sweet little girl!
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October 1st, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Lucie: thank you! We weepers have to stick together . . .
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October 11th, 2008 at 4:09 am
We adopted. I haven’t gotten weepy yet; DD is nearly 4. But DH does even when it isn’t her birthday! We think it’s because he’s the stay at home Dad while I work full time. I see DD for about 3 hours a day plus the weekends while he has about triple that with her. So he’s far more connected to her day to day than I am.
Another part of it is that I really couldn’t stand infancy. It was so difficult for me and I couldn’t wait for her to be able to do things like carry on conversations. She just getting to that point now so maybe it will become harder once she’s more of a person I can communicate with and do things with.
I think it will also be harder as we don’t really expect more kids now and I’d never wanted an only child. We just made that decision this year so not sure how it feel into the future. Since we adopt, it’s a bit harder to change our minds on something like this as it’s really expensive to change your minds, unlike if it’s bio (and you haven’t had surgery that is). (If you adopt, it’s not you can decide “Let’s try next month” instead, you need to start saving money for months in advance!)
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October 15th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Hi AnnMarie, thanks for commenting. I had a love/hate relationship w/infancy. My husband is very connected to VG, but he’s just not the weepy type.
The only child decision is really hard. I still would have chosen to do it differently, but I’m trying to see the positives of an only.
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