Many people, including those who have an open adoption, have their own definition of what open adoption is. Some variations on the theme are:

• adoption records are legally open and adopted children and their birthparents have access to information about one another
• birthparents choose adoptive parents for their child by looking at parent profiles (usually provided by an adoption agency or adoption attorney), but there is no further communication or contact
• birthparents receive periodic letters and pictures from the adoptive parents of their child, but have no in-person contact
• birthparents choose adoptive parents for their children and both families participate in a fully open, child-centered open adoption with ongoing personal contact

I think that most people in the adoption community (parents, professionals and adoptees) would agree that all of these options are far healthier than the traditional closed adoption system, where in some cases, babies were whisked away from mothers who never got to hold them or to say goodbye; and some adopted children spent many, many uncomfortable years wondering about their roots and their birthparents.

We have a fully open domestic (US) adoption, which means that our daughter’s birthparents chose us from a pool of waiting parents; we met twice before VG (Vintage Girl) was born; we were present at her birth; and we continue to see her birthfamily regularly as she gets older.

I know that for many prospective adoptive parents, this all sounds really, really scary. We were scared, too, as were many of our family and friends who questioned the wisdom of our decision.

I can only tell you that we have absolutely no regrets and have found that for our family it was the best choice. Personally, I can’t imagine going through life wondering about my biological parents, wondering if someone I knew or met was somehow related to me, wondering if I looked like my birthmother, or had interests in common with my birthfather . . . the list goes on and on.

Just think about it: how much of who you are and how you perceive yourself are based on your experiences in your family of origin? Wouldn’t it be hard to have none of those touchstones available to you?

Despite my commitment to open adoption, I understand why adoptive parents choose other options, and unless you’re in it heart and soul, open adoption is not for you. And of course, there are parts of the world where birthparent information is scarce or non-existent and those children need loving adoptive parents too.

For us, once we decided that we wanted to adopt in the US, the choice was clear.

Posted on November 4th, 2008 under Uncategorized, open adoption • Tags: domestic adoption, open adoption. • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback